She also writes about her family and how they are dealing with her diagnosis of Fibromyalgia and her husband's diagnosis of Multiple Myeloma. Her willingness to share her feelings has encouraged me to write a bit more about my thoughts-- my struggles with depression, my fears of moving, my empty nest.
A few days ago, she wrote about "Bridging Fear." Her frankness and fearlessness in putting her feelings into words left me wanting to respond. So I left her a comment on her blog.
And I am going to share it here, as well...because...well, I don't know. Maybe it will help someone else.
Over the years, your words have brought me comfort and inspiration--along with many smiles and giggles. We are the same age; we share the same interests and education, and your daughter shares my birthday.. so I have felt a certain connection with you.
I understand the war zone analogy...and I also understand the weariness and numbness. I put up with a verbally abusive marriage for 28 years.
I don’t know what will work for you. I have no magic words to make anything easier. I only know what worked for me.
On March 13, 2007, Franklin Habit wrote on his blog “The Panopticon” a quote from Lord Buddha-
“These are two things Buddhism has taught me, and that I believe:
- All things are impermanent and change is constant.
- Suffering arises from the desire to hang on to things that are impermanent or control that which cannot be controlled.”
These words profoundly changed my life. I realized that the only things that I could control were MY actions and REactions to life events or to other people’s actions. Because of these words, I stopped reacting when my (now ex) husband tried to pick a fight or belittle me. It diffused the anger in me. And it gave me the strength to leave the marriage.
Another quote that helped was from Anthony Hopkins-
“My philosophy is: It’s none of my business what people say of me and think of me. I am what I am and I do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything. And it makes life so much easier.”
Annie- you are what you are. You are the best YOU that has ever been created.
I understand the “big scaries” that are out there. How will I be able to keep a roof over my and my childrens’ heads? How can I do this alone? How will I survive?
Annie- you will not only survive... you will THRIVE.
These years you have had with Gerry have been and will continue to be precious. And in watching how you two deal with the everyday struggles of life... and yes, death... your children will learn the true meaning of honor, commitment and love. And these lessons they will pass on. And so you will change the world.
Yep, I know you would like the merry-go-round instead of the roller coaster right now.
But truthfully, the roller coaster is a LOT more interesting in the long run.
If it were easy, anyone could do it.
But you are not just “anyone”. You are Annie Modesitt. Incredible designer. Incredible knitter. Incredible wife. Incredible mother. Incredible woman.
You are extraordinary.
And as Stephen Schwartz said “When you are extraordinary, you gotta do extraordinary things.”
You are in my prayers.