A new year is like a new box of crayons and a new pad of paper. Hmmmmm--what to doodle? What to draw? What to make of the next 366 days?
You know me--I'm not for making resolutions. But I do know that 2012 will be a year of change for me.
The biggie is that, in August, Alix will be joining her brother at Georgia Tech in Atlanta. I will have an empty nest.
Yes, Alix is gone a lot presently. But she's still officially "in residence" and, although she's quite independent, I do get the occasional "Maaaaaaammmmmmmaaaaa" and "can you do (insert request) for me?". In autumn, my baby bird will fly north and begin making her adult life without my daily guidance (or interference).
Another biggie is that I have to figure out how to earn my room and board. My mother has been incredibly generous in helping me through this period, but it is time I learned to stand on my own. Oh, man--this is the awful, big "scary" under the bed with me right now. How, what, who? The fact that I live in a tiny town doesn't help. But I love living here in Middle-Of-Nowhere-comma-Georgia--or as I should more properly call it, Tennille--and don't want to move. My friends are so supportive--"Oh, you're so creative, you're so talented--you can do ANYTHING"--I love them for it, but maybe I think what I need is some focus and a good swift kick in the pants...... And, of course, the sleepless nights come every so often, with me doubting my abilities to succeed at anything. But I've dealt with that all my life.
I think this year, I want to write more--and with more substance than before. One thing I learned from the past few years is that I stayed so long in an verbally abusive relationship because I didn't think I had any other option. Once I realized I DID have options, I recognized that there are others in situations so much worse off that I. And I want to help them.
I am also feeling a pull to write about living with depression. It will come as a surprise to many folks who know me - some quite close to me- that I have struggled with depression for as long as I can remember. It is only in the past nine years- with the help of my very observant doctor- that I have come to an armistice with my version of Churchill's Black Dog. Again- I am feeling the need to help others in similar circumstances.
Ok, enough about that. We'll see what evolves, shall we?
I want to live more simply. More honestly. More AUTHENTICALLY. I heard my friend Jane Marx once say to someone "I like you. You are authentic." I want to explore what that means.
Maybe that is my word for the year. Authentic.
Oh, I'm heading places....lots and lots of places...
To Louisiana- lots. I'll get to know Interstate 20 like the back of my hand. All 500 miles of it.
Cruisegran and I are heading to southeast Asia this spring- Cambodia and Vietnam. Angor Wat. I'm too excited for words. I just got my passport back with the visas- so it's beginning to feel "real" to me.
This summer, the Family (gosh, that sounds like the mafia, doesn't it?) is going from Venice through the Black Sea. I've never been to Istanbul or Greece, so it will be new to me.
I am sure lots of adventures are looming just over the horizon...so when my friend Diane reminded me just a few hours ago of this Mark Twain quote, I smiled.
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."